I'm sitting here at the school's busstop blogging with my phone and watching as the rain pours down. I want so badly to just sit under the rain and get drenched.In hope that it'll wash away all the pain I'm feeling right now but who am I kidding? Nothing can help make me feel any better than you holding me right now, even for old times sake? I loved so wholeheartedly to get a broken heart back in return. But for what its worth I never regretted it, not for a split second. I don't know how long this will take to heal,but one thing's for sure- when its fully healed, a part of it will always be closed. And I'll never be able to open up to anyone as fully as I did with you. Even though you knew from the start it was wrong or questioned me how long could we do this, I sincerely and honestly believed in forever when you said so, but do you say that to everyone you loved? cos I could rly seek some comfort in it that you didn't. I'm sorry I'm just not special enough. I walk with this smile painted on my face when I'm so crushed, I hate it when people worry about me. Yet I'm so fragile now that the mention of your name could spark off waterworks. I'm left behind with pieces to pick up by people who leaves,all alone. Just when you think you had it all, think again. Life's forever unfair whether you like it or not. It knocks you down like a hit and run, shirking all responsibilty, and with yourself lying on the ground bleeding with open cuts and bruises,struggling for the last breath.

Why must love be so cruel? If You don't take the chance or the risk to love, you'll forever live as a spinster. But when you do take those risks, you fear your feelings will not be reciprocated. And when it is, you fall head over heels over that someone, coming out of your comfort shell and opening up like you never did before. As raw as ever, the love grows and suddenly the person means everything to you but once its all over, you're back to square one. But this time, closing yourself up even more.

I guess I'm destined to live my life alone; sure im only 20, i've a darn long way ahead of me but feeling such strong emotions at this age just makes me lose hope for anything in the future and already given up hope that anyone would love me as much as I loved them.Because people are forever giving themselves reasons to leave me. From now on, I walk with my eyes open but my heart closed.