blogsecret.

I am so lonely right now. My heart is so heavy I can almost feel it weighting me down. I have a million thoughts and feels I’m dying to tell someone. It’s not that I have no-one to talk to, it’s just I wouldn’t know what to say, wouldn’t know where to start. People expect me to sort their problems out, I’m not expected to have my own problems. I’m such a mess. Thanks blogsecret for letting me get it off my chest.



I’ve never wanted you so much. But I know you’ll never want me like that, how ive always wanted you.
 
funny how you think i'll actually post something there, I am always stuck with finding the right words to pen down my feelings. More likely that i'll reblog rather than type but anyway those words really do describe me, guess that shows you know me and how I feel? People often see me as a bundle of 'happy' and I dont seem like ive any problems.But if your eally really know me, you know my problems. Ive always been very scared to let people really know me, its not that im being fake , im not one bit less genuine as any one of you out there.Its just that I prefer to bring joy rather tahn unhappiness.
 
You always say you have to ask me 'whats wrong' and so many times before I actually tell you and you've been waiting for me to just tell you without you asking. Honestly living the way I have for so long, I need to be prompt to let it out.And its NEVER because I dont want to tell you, I am just really really not good at words. You may say its an excuse but I say thats the truth. Around you, ive been able to let my guard down and really be me. I let those walls down because I know you can hold the fort for me. Now that you're gone, I have to slowly build those walls up because I dont want to let anyone in again.
 
You say I will always have a special place in your heart. what if I dont want that special place? what if its your entire heart that I want, that ive bubble wrapped and protected all these while, can I have it back? No.